5 Ways to Repair Your Parenting Mistakes
As a therapist, I often work with parents who are struggling with the guilt and shame of past parenting mistakes. It's important to remember that parenting is a challenging journey, and no one is perfect. HOWEVER, I am forever cranky about the "support groups" out there who say, "it's okay mama, you're doing your best" without any kind of help moving forward to actually do better.
If you aren't happy with your parenting - if you feel guilty, resentful, or confused - those emotions are there to help you know you want to do something different.
Here are 5 steps you can take to repair the damage and create a healthier, happier relationship with your children.
In this post, I'll share some tips for repairing your parenting mistakes.
1. Understand Your Child's Perspective
In order to repair your relationship with your child, it's important to understand their perspective. Full. Stop.
When you are setting out to make a repair - you need to be selfless in understanding their perspective. No hidden agendas. You aren't trying to listen and understand in order to change their perspective. Take the time to listen to their thoughts and feelings about the situation. No fixes yet, no solutions. No asking them to understand you. You're the parent, you get to be the grown up during this phase of repair. If you struggle with this kind of compartmentalization, try this visualization exercise.
2. Acknowledge Your Mistakes
The next step in repairing your parenting mistakes is acknowledging them. It can be difficult to admit when we've done something wrong, and our society certainly doesn't make it easy to treat kids as real humans. But it really is essential to take responsibility for our actions. Apologize to your children and let them know that you recognize your mistakes. This will show them that you're willing to be accountable for your behavior and that you value their feelings.
3. Make Amends
After acknowledging your mistakes and understanding your child's perspective, it's time to make amends. You know what the best way to do this is? Do what they're interested in. Show up for your kids in whatever realm they love. Do they love to play Minecraft? Then you're collecting pixelated sheep, my friend. Do they love all things Pokemon? Then get your reading glasses and settle down for reading 1000 stats. Spending time supporting their interests will show your child that you value them and what they love, and that you're committed to repairing the relationship.
4. Practice Self-Compassion
Parenting mistakes can be incredibly painful, and it's easy to get stuck in a cycle of self-blame and guilt. However, those feelings don't really serve you well if you stay there. Seek out tools, resources, and communities that help you understand your parenting story, while supporting you to do better. Making mistakes is a human condition. Just remember to be compassionate as you reach more levels of self-awareness, and that it's always okay to ask for help.
5. Seek Professional Help
If you're struggling to repair your relationship with your child, it may be helpful to seek professional help. A therapist can provide a safe space to explore your feelings and develop a plan for repairing the relationship. We can also provide support and guidance as you navigate the process. That’s why I created the Connect with Courage Parenting Course. This course walks the line between understanding the philosophical why behind your reactions and giving you practical solutions to improving your relationships with your kids immediately. For much less than regular therapy sessions, you get several months of ideas, inspiration, and help with implementation.
Each session runs for ten weeks, and during those weeks you get:
- A weekly session with a licensed therapist and supportive cohort of other parents
- Discussion and exercises specifically designed to improve your relationship with your children
- Access to a discord server where we keep the conversation going throughout the week
- A course portal to keep the presentations, exercises, and homework organized and easy to refer to
- A smooth transition into the Play with Purpose Membership group for a lifetime of tools and opportunities for better parenting even after the course is over.
Repairing your parenting mistakes is an ongoing process that requires patience, commitment, and self-compassion. By acknowledging your mistakes, understanding your child's perspective, making amends, practicing self-compassion, and seeking professional help if needed, you can create a healthier, happier relationship with your child. Remember, it's never too late to repair the damage and create a brighter future for yourself and your family.
Roya Dedeaux is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with a focus on using creative tools like art, writing, and recreation as a way to help teens and their families who don't quite fit the mold.
Roya’s first book, Connect with Courage: practical ways to release fear and find joy in the places your kids take you is the result of her background in Recreation and Leisure Studies and Marriage and Family Therapy and is the base of her Connect with Courage Parenting Course.
She loves running her private practice, creating art prompts for her
two online art groups, and running games and challenges in the
free Recreate Parenting Facebook community! When she's not doing that, she loves to make messes with her three wild & wonderful kids where they live and play hard in Southern California.
Connect With Courage
