5 Reasons It's Important to Play with Your Kids - And What To Do When It's Hard

I mean, it's only what I've devoted my entire personal and professional life to! Over and over again I see the benefits for kids, parents, and families when their parents prioritize play. Here are just a few of the important benefits play can have:

1. Bonding: Playing with your child can help strengthen your bond and create positive memories that become the core of their relational well being.
2. Learning opportunities: Play is a key way that children learn and develop. By playing with your child, you can help them learn new skills and concepts in a fun and engaging way. Did you know that every single mammal plays? Our play develops in complexity as our development gets more complex as well.
3. Mental and physical development: Play can help children develop their physical coordination and fine motor skills, as well as their problem-solving and critical thinking skills. Essentially every single system in our brains and bodies grows through play! Think about how kids learn how to walk and talk -- we don't give 8 month old babies flash cards. We play sing song games, we clap and cheer them on. We play peekaboo. The play develops but the need never goes away.
4. Emotional development: Play can also help children learn to express and manage their emotions, and can even help them cope with stress or difficult situations. Play gives us the opportunities and the vehicle for frustration, loss, disappointment, and conflict. It gives a low-stakes place to work through our feelings.
5. Social development: Playing with others, including parents, can help children learn to share, take turns, and interact with others in a positive way. Ever watch a playground full of kids figure out how to share 1 handball? It's where leadership and conflict resolution are fostered.

Overall, playing with your child can have numerous positive impacts on their development and well-being, and can be a great way for parents to have fun and connect with their child.

So given all of these benefits - why do we, as parents, find it so difficult to engage in play?

There are a number of reasons why it can be hard for adults to play. Some of the most common reasons include:

Lack of time.

Adults tend to have a lot more responsibilities than children, which can make it harder to find time to relax and engage in play. With work, family commitments, and other obligations taking up much of our time, it can be tough to carve out a few moments for play. I have book-fulls to say about why, as a culture, we value work time over play time (and how backwards that is for our overall well-being). We have a lack of discretionary time free from obligations and free to choose what we want.

Stress and anxiety

Adults may be more prone to stress and anxiety, which can make it hard to relax and be playful. We also have a serious lack of support in areas of extreme stress - such as childcare, the nurturing-arts, working while raising children, care taking for multiple generations, dealing with difficult resources for kids with special needs, our own health and well-being, feeding our families... I mean, yeesh. And this is just day to day stuff! Add on pandemics, school shootings, mental health disorders -- we are looking at generations of folks with high levels of stress and anxiety and low levels of support. If your parents didn't model playfulness for you either, it's twice as hard to find it within yourself.

Self-consciousness.

Another reason is that many adults may feel self-conscious about playing, especially if they feel like they are being judged by others. This can make it hard to let go and fully embrace the playful spirit. Even the silliest of us can hesitate a bit when faced with external judgement! Our community spaces aren't usually set up with children in mind, much less creativity and playfulness! It definitely takes some real self-confidence to stand out from the non-playful crowd.

Lack of opportunity

Additionally, some adults may simply not have as many opportunities to play as children do. Without regular access to playgrounds, sports fields, or other spaces where play is encouraged, it can be tough to find ways to engage in playful activities. This goes double when you're a mom - are the play spaces conducive to bringing extra kids with you? There are safety concerns, space concerns, financial concerns -- all of these are barriers to the opportunity for play.

Negative beliefs about play

Finally, some adults may have negative beliefs about play, viewing it as childish or unproductive. This can make it hard for them to justify taking time to engage in playful activities. We are the product of decades of different messaging -- and much of that told us that play time was wasted time.  This wasn't accidental or a coincidence. The people in power utilized this messaging to diminish creativity, innovation, divergent thinking, curiosity, teamwork - and all of the amazing benefits of play - because people with a strong play foundation are harder to put into a standardized box. This trickles down from system to system until it infiltrates individual families. Good news: You get to be the last person in your family line to let that be the case.

Basically -- it's ridiculously hard to value and prioritize playfulness as a busy parent. But we know it matters and is important for you -- and for your kids. We have to find ways to incorporate play into our lives, as it can have numerous benefits for mental and physical health, as well as relationships and overall well-being.

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